Still Waiting

I’m waiting to find out if the cause of my bleeding can be confirmed, and if I need to be on restricted activity.

My gut feeling is that the subchorionic hemorrhage seen on ultrasound in February is draining, but I am nervous it may have grown or is causing problems.

I am very anxious about returning to my very physical job tomorrow, since basically laying on the couch all weekend hasn’t stopped the bleeding. The bleeding is not a flow, or bright red. It’s definitely old blood coming out… still unnerving for a pregnant woman to see.

I want some answers today. This has been a stressful weekend. My obgyn is very busy today and at first offered an appointment between 3-3:45. That seemed too late for my liking. They were able to squeeze me in with the oncall doctor at 1:20.

This doesn’t really comfort me much since I really want to have an ultrasound to get a good look at what is going on. I really hope they can make that happen.

I can’t be sent home with unexplained bleeding, and normal activity unless things get worse. That’s too scary for me. I want to know that going back to my job of heavy lifting won’t lead to premature delivery. I understand there can’t be a guarantee of that, but if it looks too risky to be lifting 40-50 pound cases regularly I want to know.

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Feeling Anxious

My surgery is tomorrow. I heard from a nurse at the hospital today on my way home from work that I need to be there at 11:30 for my 1 o’clock surgery. I can’t eat after midnight, and to help keep my blood sugar up I am skipping my night time dose of insulin. I am allowed and encouraged to drink clear fluids up to 11 am tomorrow. The approved list is water, apple juice, ginger ale, and black coffee. So, water for me unless I feel my blood sugar dropping. If it does I will have apple juice.

I got my genetic screening results Monday, and I have less than a 1 in 10,000 chance of having a baby with any of the conditions the screened for. Yay! I also found out the gender. I am having a girl! I actually said ” Are you serious?” when I was told.

This gender reveal is actually causing me some extra anxiety in regards to my surgery. Tomorrow being March 1st is the 14th anniversary of losing my first child…my only daughter Tiffany. (I also had an 11 week and 5 week loss that I do not know the genders of)

I am so afraid to lose another daughter on the same day…or at all of course. The cerclage surgery is one to prevent premature delivery, but the surgery has it’s risks and miscarriage is one of them. It’s scary to do it, but knowing how my body failed during my first pregnancy it seemed like the right choice. Having 3 successful cerclage surgeries in the past should be a comfort, but this will be a new doctor. I am also worried that scarring from those past surgeries might complicate this one.

None of it is in my control though, so worrying is pointless. I understand the risks involved, I just hope I have worried for nothing.

Surgery Scheduled

I hadn’t heard from my MFM’s scheduler, so yesterday on a break at work I made a phone call to see if I could see what was going on. I didn’t have that person’s contact information, so I called the person who scheduled my appointment with the doctor to discuss surgery. They were surprised I hadn’t heard from anyone yet since my visit with the doctor was on Tuesday. I think she must have seen my name on the surgery schedule, but transferred me to the hospital scheduler. Her name was April, and she told me I was scheduled to have surgery Monday! I had previously been told Thursday was open on the schedule, so Monday shocked me. I was on a very short break from work, so I got a little information from her and was told a nurse would call me sometime that afternoon with the details about when to arrive etc..

I quickly called my husband to speak to him directly. I had been trying to text him during my call. He told me Monday would not work. He didn’t have enough notice to request the day off, and wasn’t in a position where calling out for the day was an option either. I was annoyed that he wasn’t being more flexible, and he was annoyed that I didn’t refuse a Monday surgery. To be completely honest I was in shock from being on the schedule for surgery so soon and really only considered that Monday actually worked nicely for my needs personally. He hung up the phone in frustration and I had no time left to call him back. I spent the rest of my shift very upset, and cried multiple times. I decided what was best was to attempt rescheduling once my shift ended. I got a bit of a run around and was made to feel like I needed to find a ride and make Monday work somehow. I said not only is my husband my ride, but I also have 3 children that would need to be cared for. The next day they offered me was 3/5… also a Monday, which again would be an issue for my husband. I made the request that they try for anything Tuesday to Friday. This was apparently very difficult, since only a few doctors in the practice actually perform cerclage surgery. They had to take some time to try to work something out, so I was told they would call me back. By 3:30 I hadn’t heard anything, so I made a call to see if my name was still on the schedule for Monday. My husband was willing to attempt to take Monday off, but only if I was on the schedule. The receptionist told me my name was no longer on Monday, but was moved to Thursday. I hadn’t heard anything officially from the scheduler myself though. She put in a note to have April call me. I think it took about another hour before I got the call, but my surgery is scheduled for Thursday! I will find out what time sometime Wednesday.

This is getting too real too fast. I am really nervous this time around.

More testing done,and surgery very soon.

Yesterday I completed my Harmony screening, cystic fibrosis and SMA screening. I also met the doctor who I thought would be performing my cerclage surgery, only to find out one of the other doctors in the practice might be doing it. Ugh! I really wanted to meet the actual doctor prior to surgery. She assured me that all of the doctors are very experienced with this type of surgery. I just really wish my last doctor hadn’t retired.

I had an ultrasound before my appointment with the doctor and the baby was rolling. Lol! Near the end of the ultrasound he or she finally settled into a comfy position. The baby has either put on some extra weight since my last ultrasound, or the two machines are just measuring a few days apart. My first two ultrasounds were two weeks apart and the baby measured exactly two weeks more at the second screening. This time they measured 3-4 days ahead of where I expected. The baby was measuring close to when I suspect I ovulated, but is now measuring right on according to my lmp. Either way my regular ob and the high risk doctor say they will be calculating my due date according to my lmp.

So, my surgery could possibly be next Thursday. That was a day the doctor remembered being available on the schedule, but her scheduler needs to contact me to actually set it up. I did tell her that Tuesdays work better for my husband and I for our work schedules, but I realize that I have to work with what the hospital has available.

On a different subject my blood sugars have been above goal for 50% or more of my after dinner readings. Insulin has been ordered for me to take at dinner time for now, and as my pregnancy progresses I may have to take it with other meals too. I was told if I knew I was having a high carb breakfast or lunch I could take insulin as I feel necessary for those random meals too.

I am nervous about having anesthesia and surgery, since my body sometimes reacts poorly but I have no control over it. I just need to trust the hospital staff will take care of me.

Cramping

I left work today, totally distracted and anxious because I started cramping. I didn’t have one random pain, they kept coming. I am between 8 and 9 weeks pregnant. This is my 7th pregnancy. I’ve had 3 losses, and I have 3 living sons.

I really wanted to be seen by my doctor for an ultrasound. Instead, I just have to wait it out. I was told to call back if I had bleeding. I was scheduled for an in office ultrasound next Tuesday.

I have a home Doppler, but since I am still so newly pregnant the odds of hearing the heartbeat are very low. I don’t want to stress out more if we can’t find it.

My husband did some online reading about cramping during pregnancy and he found it’s very common around 8-12 weeks. Especially when you’ve had multiple pregnancies.

I’ll try to relax and hope my cramping is “normal”. It’s just so hard when you’ve had losses. I am taking progesterone too, so I wondered if it might lead to missed miscarriage. I haven’t found stories to suggest it, but it still concerns me.

A Baby Every Two Years?

I never thought I would be one of those people who has a baby every two years. Some people say it’s perfect spacing, I personally thought it was difficult. The boys get along really well most of the time though. Right now I have a son who will be 13 in May, a son who turned 3 in October and a son who turned 1 in September. My 3 year old refuses to potty train, so I have two in diapers. My next baby is due early September, but could be born late August due to scheduling an induction. So, within a month of delivery I will have a 4 year old, 2 year old and newborn. I really hope I will get my 3 year old using a toilet before then. 3 in diapers would be a nightmare!

I have dealt with infertility, and miscarriage, so I never expected to be a mom of children so close in age. Honestly I never expected to have another child after my first born. He was my second pregnancy, and conceived with the help of fertility drugs. We did try to conceive with the help of less invasive fertility treatments after having my son, but nothing worked. We did conceive twice naturally in 2010 and 2011, but those pregnancies ended in miscarriage. Then in 2014 I conceived again, but had early intervention with progesterone supplements. My son was born full term and healthy. To our surprise we found ourselves expecting again in January 2016. We we’re monitored closely and delivered full term again. Now, January 2018 has us shocked with the news of another pregnancy. I have had my hcg levels checked twice, and my progesterone level checked too. My hcg  more than doubled in under 48 hours from 816-1777. My progesterone level was over 17. Everything looks good for a healthy pregnancy so far. I will have my first ultrasound 1/23/18. I don’t expect to see much, but I’m hoping to get a glimpse of a flickering heartbeat.

I’m trying to imagine having my 3 little ones, and teenager this fall. It’s scary and exciting. 

We might be done after this pregnancy… that’s if my husband actually gets the operation he mentioned we should consider.

Adjusting…

Life sure is different with my son in school, instead of homeschooling.

I have changed my work schedule, so that I can be home when he is dropped off by the bus. I had to give up my unpaid lunch in order to make it happen. I tried my new schedule Thursday and Friday. I didn’t really miss the break at all. I just had a larger snack on my first break, to satisfy me longer. I then took my second break about an hour after I would have normally taken my lunch. The 20 minute break is plenty of time to eat my lunch and call hubby to check in on him and the little ones. Both days I made it home before the bus, but if there wasn’t construction traffic slowing down the bus I may not have. I need to make sure I am ready to leave at 2, instead of 2:05.

Some people might think negatively of me for thinking it is so important for me to be home before the bus. I just want to hear how my son’s day went right away, as my husband hears about it too. I don’t want my son to have to tell the same stories twice. I realize that at some point he won’t be so eager to share how his day went, but I will always have questions for him. “Normal” ones, like do you have homework, and others that relate to his adjusting to the school environment and socialization.

So far, my husband and I aren’t impressed with the amount of work he is getting done. For example: he hasn’t done any real math in his math class after 6 days of school. They have been working on an ISN, or interactive student notebook. All this has shown hubby and I, is that the teacher has control issues. She has the students tape handouts into the notebook, and doesn’t want to see any “guts” or parts of the papers sticking out. She had them decorate the covers, and is covering them with packing tape. Being organized is great, but forcing everyone to take notes exactly the same way, and on the same page/side of a page in a notebook seems like a bit much to me. My son is also in a class that doesn’t really have a title. It seems like a study hall to me, but the teacher asks random questions in it, or shows slides with a projector. It just doesn’t appear to be an actual class. A lot of what he explains about his day seems to be a huge waste of time….which is one of the reasons we homeschooled for 6 years. If he hadn’t had such a rough time this summer, I wouldn’t have put him in public school.

I haven’t asked him about his thoughts at school, and he hasn’t shared any negative ones. I plan on gently asking today or tomorrow. I don’t want to cause thoughts to arise by my questioning, but I also want him to know he can share them with me so he doesn’t feel like he has to hide them or struggle through them alone. Part of his uncomfortableness sharing them is thinking about what others think of him for having “bad” thoughts. So far, he has been told his thoughts are completely normal ones.

We are all getting used to new sleep schedules. This Monday will be my first day being alone to make sure he is up and on the bus on time. My husband basically slept through my actual first day getting my son out for school last Tuesday. I will be here 3 days this week, and I am guessing I will be the one to get up when the alarm sounds. I have an extra day off this week for my Baby’s First Birthday! It will be sad having my twelve year old at school, rather than home to celebrate with us. We don’t really celebrate birthdays, but we could have taken a day trip somewhere. We’ll have some sort of cake, and that will be after my son is home from school. It’ll just be strange not doing our normal type of celebration. The freedom of homeschooling is very much missed. 😦