Just checking in

Sorry I don’t write often. I’m just a busy mom, never having much content to write about.

The kiddos are all doing well. The little ones love each other so much.

We haven’t been doing much this summer. We took a walk down to the lake last weekend, and had the whole place to ourselves.

After that trip hubby decided to get his fishing license and we took the kids fishing. Jacob (2) caught the first one. He was so excited. I didn’t get any pictures, but we all had a good time. We’ll have to do it again, since the license was so expensive… gotta get our money’s worth. We catch and release, so there’s only the entertainment value.

Not much else to report. It’s going to be around 100 degrees the next couple of days, and humid. I don’t plan on getting outside much.

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Summer pics

Giving the fish a little rub.

My oldest son hand feeding our largest Koi.

I love this color, and am very happy they aren’t fragrant.

A few roses, we didn’t get many this year.

Our lonely peach.

The yellow is pretty too.

Nobody would, or could help

My father had an alcohol problem. He also had a drug problem, but it was the alcohol that killed him.

Near the end of his life, my father was hospitalized several times for blacking out, and hallucinating. One time he even called the police telling them I was dead, wrapped in a blanket in his bedroom. He told them he knew I was dead, because I wasn’t breathing. Of course I wasn’t dead, I wasn’t even there. He was the only one in his room that night. He also had visions of a man, that I think he feared. He kept a block of knives at his bedroom door.

He was living in a shelter at the time. I was concerned that he might open the door and kill whoever was knocking because of his hallucinations. The young woman who was his counselor at the time didn’t seem concerned at all. She didn’t see a violent side to him. Thankfully he never did use those knives on anyone.

During his hospitalizations I would tell those “taking care of him” that he was suicidal. Most people were only interested in getting him stabilized and out the door. Nobody would listen to me. They didn’t see him as a threat to himself or others. He lost months of his memories during one of his blackouts. He also received written documentation of the damage being done to his brain.

My father kept that document on his refrigerator. Some thought it was to remind him of what his drinking had done, so that he could try to give it up and get better. I knew why it was really there….as evidence that what he was doing was working!

My father would get sober for a little while here and there, but it was never because he wanted to. He would go through the programs after a DUI, to avoid harsher penalties. He’d try not to lose his place in the shelter, but even that risk wasn’t enough to get him to quit.

I tried to tell him he had something to live for. I was trying to spend more time with him. I only had my oldest child at the time, and wanted my dad to see that he needed his grandfather. My dad was the last living grandparent he had. My son was only 7 at the time. Nothing I said could change his mind. He was determined to die.

He died alone in his apartment, which he had for only a couple of months. It was obvious what had happened. There were hundreds of beer cans. I think he knew he was close to completing his task, because he had recently had a lobster dinner. One last treat, or possibly his last meal. It was father’s day weekend after all.

I feel a bit guilty for not calling him on father’s day. I knew he’d be drunk, and I wanted to celebrate with my husband and our son without the drama of my dad.

When I eventually called, he didn’t answer. That wasn’t uncommon, but he wasn’t answering calls from anyone for days. My brother found him. I got there soon after. There was nothing anyone could do, he accomplished his goal.

I apologize for this ramble. There is a lot more to the story, but I basically wanted to share that those I thought could help my father weren’t willing to try… maybe because they knew what I didn’t at the time. It wasn’t going to change his mind.

Trying a Ripple

I am not a confident crocheter, so I had to watch a tutorial in order to do this. My count was apparently off on my very first row, but I’m hoping it won’t matter too much. It’s just a project that will be for my own child. I doubt being a bit wonky will really bother my little girl.

I’ve never been one to accomplish straight edges, or to avoid curling. We’ll see how it goes.

Trying to count with three loud preschoolers in my house was a nightmare.

He’s fourteen!

My first born is 14 today. How does time go so fast?!

He was an only child for 9 of his 14 years, but now he has 3 siblings who have invaded his space. He has handled the invasion well, and is a good big brother.

We brought him, a friend and his siblings to an amusement park yesterday to celebrate. He was patient while his little brothers rode the rides in kiddie land, and watched his baby sister a couple of times too. We did give the two teenagers some time to explore the park alone, since we had two strollers to push and a four year old walking at a slower pace.

The day went smoothly. The worst part was my teenager getting soaked on the water rides making him uncomfortable for the rest of the day. I brought spare clothes for the 3 little ones, but nothing for him. I did think to bring a hand towel in case someone needed to dry off a little, but I wasn’t expecting him to get soaked head to toe.

The highlight of my day was actually being able to get on the rides. I’ve been pregnant the last few times we’ve gone and had to sit the rides out. I hated paying admission, but not taking advantage of the rides. Our first ride of the day was one I never thought I would try. It is called Untamed. It’s a rollercoaster that takes you straight up in the air then on the way down you drop at a 97 degree angle. I actually felt the twists of the ride were “worse” than going up and down. I loved the ride, and got on a few times during the day. The other rollercoaster I used to enjoy seemed boring after riding Untamed.

I think it was a pretty successful day. The teens had moments of not seeing eye to eye on what to do next, but overall I think everyone had fun. We finished with cake and ice cream at our house. I forgot to put out sprinkles for the ice cream, but the flavors were fine without them. 🙂 We gave my son a new video game, which he has been testing out this morning. Unfortunately his siblings have made it too difficult to play in our living room, so he’s off on his own in his bedroom. He has been spending a lot of time in there lately. His siblings are always climbing on him, or being loud.

Finished Object

It’s hard to find the time to craft with 4 kids and a job outside of the home, but every once in a while I make something. 🙂

I was able to make this little hat for my daughter on my round loom. (Harder to get pictures of her in it than finding the time to make it)

I realize it’s spring now, and she won’t have many opportunities to wear it but it’s cute. I followed a YouTube tutorial from Tuteate. It was a quick make. I didn’t have a 31 peg loom, so I improvised with a 30 peg. I also used 2 strands of thinner yarn instead of a bulky one.