Feeling Blessed and Stressed

I woke up at 3:39 this morning to the sound of my 8 week old baby crying. It was just 1 minute before my husband’s last alarm clock was about to go off. He was just hoping for a few more quiet minutes before he had to get up and get ready to head to work. Oh well, such is life with a newborn in the house. 😉

I made sure I took a moment to use the restroom before I went to get the baby, since a nursing baby can do so for more than an hour at a time in the wee hours of the morning, or actually at any time of day. He started nursing at 3:43, and by 4:03 when my husband came to give us kisses goodbye, it was time to switch sides. My hubby took the chance to hold his baby before leaving for his long day of work. (It will be more than 14 hours before he makes it home again) I warned him to be careful, since the little guy tends to puke after a feed. Of course he knows this, but thought the risk was worth it.

After saying goodbye, and that I wished he could stay I got back to nursing the baby. He didn’t nurse for too long, but I held him until 4:50 anyway. I layed him back in his crib, and went to grab a drink and snack for myself. After my snack I felt that I should take care of some laundry that I washed before bed and had to dry. So, I took my comforter out of my dryer and threw the next load in. Time to tackle another wash from the mountain, so I got that started too. Now all that activity woke me up…perhaps for the day, though I am hoping to get a bit more sleep in a while.

I turned on the tv, but didn’t find much that interested me. I follow a few blogs here on WordPress, so I checked to see if I had any new posts to read. There were some. Next I went to check out posts in tags that I follow. I read High Risk Pregnancy posts, since I have had some myself, and one quite recently. I read a story that brought me to tears, and reminded me of my first pregnancy which tragically ended in a loss at 22 weeks 5 days pregnant. The story was of a NICU stay for a set of premature twins in which one had passed. The post reminded me of my tiny daughter who was never given a chance to live. It was 12 years ago that I lost her, but yet some of the details come rushing back as if it was much more recent. I didn’t hold her long, and I regret that. I was scared, and didn’t know what was appropriate. I hope I never have to go through anything like that again, even though I would know to handle it differently.

I am sitting here now in a fairly quiet house (the wash is washing, and the woodstove fan is blowing) knowing I have my 3 amazing sons resting in their beds. I am so blessed to have them here safe and sound. The sister they will all know about when the time is right, made it possible for me to get them here that way. (My 11 year old already knows her story, and crys for the sister he lost when we speak about her, but the 2 year old and infant of course wouldn’t understand) Losing her, let my doctors know that I would need precautionary cerclage surgery during any future pregnancies. I have had those done for my 3 boys and have gone on to be induced to deliver, without any signs of premature delivery prior to. I did lose 2 other pregnancies, but they were at 11 weeks, and 5 weeks along which was too early for even a precautionary cerclage. I did add progesterone to my list of precautionary treatments as soon as that positive test is seen after those losses.

I have had some fantastic doctors see me through my last 2 pregnancies, and am sort of hoping they might get a chance to do it again. I have found that having two babies 2 years old and under, is a bit stressful. They are both in diapers,  can’t communicate everything they want or need clearly, and have quite strong opinions about those things. 😉 Still I think growing our family would be awesome. My husband and I have no extended family to share our boys with, and we hope that our sons build strong relationships with eachother and keep in touch as they grow up and start their own families.

I know the quiet won’t last long, but I am happy to have had a bit of time to reflect on the blessings I have, and to remember what I have lost along the way. It will get crazy and stressful any moment, but it’s a good thing and a wonderful gift from God.

 

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2 thoughts on “Feeling Blessed and Stressed

  1. You couldn’t of chosen a better title. What a blessing to have 3 beautiful boys after your daughter passing. I’m sure you must have experienced a tremendous amounts of highs and lows. Taking the time to reflect and show gratitude is such a powerful thing.
    From one lucky mama to another,
    Samantha

    Liked by 1 person

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